Testimony
Born in Los Angeles and raised in San Diego, my family was involved in the Arts and in the giving back to the community. Ironically, my initials spell the word ART, Ana Rebecca Toothman, and while in Seminary, during my graduate years, as the ART's Concerns Chair, it seemed entirely apropos, that my sense of identity and formation had much to do with my artistic nature.
I began singing at the age of 2 1/2, literally outdoors, while chasing birds, pretending to put them to sleep with every song I invented. Early on, I realized that art had meaning beyond its frame and function. My aspirations in life then lied heavily in appreciating the beauty of art, but also in creating art and beauty for those around me, whether in music, movement or in thought, art was limitless. It was as if I was engaging in the great expanse of the infinite universe.
My father, a member of the Screen Actors Guild, performed on stage and on film and encouraged me to sing in the church early on, at the age of 8, I became a Soloist for St Rose of Lima Parish in Chula Vista, CA. I attended Magnet Schools and later graduating from Chula Vista High School, a School for the Performing Arts, I was still unsure as to whether I should pursue a career in the performing arts or not. I often felt that my voice was not my own. As the sound of my voice would echo in the vast corridors of the Church Chapels, I felt transfigured and in awe of God's grace, it was a gift but not something I would share commercially.
I performed with the High School New Renaissance Group, and did solo for three Police Explorer Academy Graduation Ceremonies at the Naval Base, while living in San Diego, CA. Ironically, I excelled in mathematics: Calculus and Physics and in my Honors courses as well. I desired to meet Academia and its challenges with a broad and well-rounded balance of experiences, and I felt drawn to creative expression whether in the church, or outside of the church.
I then received a Senatorial nomination to attend West Point in 1991, but I felt that I needed to explore my personal interests in life before I could make such a grand commitment to the military. I wanted to learn more about politics, philosophy, psychology, sociology, theology, communications, education, public policy and international world affairs, which included an interest in business and diplomatic world affairs as well. I wanted to learn it all, as much as I could, with as much time as I was given. In fact, in my graduating class of 1991, I held the most credits taken by a student, because of the extra courses I took during the summers, before and after school, and at college. I was college bound.
When I arrived in college, little did I know that my desire for truth and understanding would lead me to a deeper faith and transformation. My studies in Human existential philosophy and the written word of God presented me with great challenges and ignited a passion for knowledge, I had only imagined could ever be known. I, like Yentle, in the movie starring Barbara Streisand, felt an insatiable hunger and thirst for freedom and wisdom.
I visited Catalina Island over 12 times throughout the course of my four years of undergraduate studies. We studied eight hours a day: Genesis, Mark, John, Luke and many of Paul's letters inductively (a method devised and used at Stanford University). Every word lifted itself from the pages, as I felt God speak to me directly, I began to understand God's love and majesty, His amazing creativity and awesome omnipotence in our lives. God is a Super Genius, a Compassionate Creator! He inspires mankind and through the written word... breathes "life" (Spirit, which comes from the Hebrew word Ruach) into the hearts and minds of His followers.
It was until I experienced the transforming power of His word, that I realized I had found the truth. I discovered the pearl of great price, and I've never been the same since. It's a blessing today that the Lord has brought me back to a place where I can share my heart and testimony in this way, through the ART of language and the expressive ARTS, how amazing is He! :) God works in and through His people and our lives are written in the book of life, so that is how we know that we know, that we really know there is a Creator God of this vast universe.
I attended a Spiritual retreat in my first year at Occidental College, and I was Touched by Jesus. This emotional experience at the retreat literally changed my life and everything about my purpose in life; my perspective on God, and my desire for intimacy with Him, in His presence. My relationship with Jesus, soon became my greatest gift and most compelling passion. God's healing touch began to ease the pain and terror I experienced as a young girl. Like the bleeding woman, I too lived with a deeper sadness and shame and was carrying it with me everywhere I went.
Though I had been attacked several times by older men as a young girl, and having felt the painful rejection of my youth like boils burning on my skin, I still began to feel God's comfort and peace descend upon me, as I grew in the knowledge of Him. For many months following, I experienced the beauty of prayer, the psalms and the encouragement of Job's testimony in the Book of Job as a healing source. I learned that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony (Rev. 12:11), a joy that cannot be explained, nor contained.
I found myself, living in a new reality, a reality that is filled with possibilities and hope, healing, love and acceptance, unlike I'd ever known. Though my amazing mother, had demonstrated great love towards me growing up, before her passing. God was beginning to show me the immeasurably glory of His unconditional love for me, and my life, with his precious gift of LIFE. I was overjoyed by the reality that more of His love was to come. I learned that everything that was happening in my life, and in the lives of my loved ones, was meant for a purpose greater than my own.
Oh, to know the love of God... is to know true happiness, true fulfillment and purpose.
I began singing at the age of 2 1/2, literally outdoors, while chasing birds, pretending to put them to sleep with every song I invented. Early on, I realized that art had meaning beyond its frame and function. My aspirations in life then lied heavily in appreciating the beauty of art, but also in creating art and beauty for those around me, whether in music, movement or in thought, art was limitless. It was as if I was engaging in the great expanse of the infinite universe.
My father, a member of the Screen Actors Guild, performed on stage and on film and encouraged me to sing in the church early on, at the age of 8, I became a Soloist for St Rose of Lima Parish in Chula Vista, CA. I attended Magnet Schools and later graduating from Chula Vista High School, a School for the Performing Arts, I was still unsure as to whether I should pursue a career in the performing arts or not. I often felt that my voice was not my own. As the sound of my voice would echo in the vast corridors of the Church Chapels, I felt transfigured and in awe of God's grace, it was a gift but not something I would share commercially.
I performed with the High School New Renaissance Group, and did solo for three Police Explorer Academy Graduation Ceremonies at the Naval Base, while living in San Diego, CA. Ironically, I excelled in mathematics: Calculus and Physics and in my Honors courses as well. I desired to meet Academia and its challenges with a broad and well-rounded balance of experiences, and I felt drawn to creative expression whether in the church, or outside of the church.
I then received a Senatorial nomination to attend West Point in 1991, but I felt that I needed to explore my personal interests in life before I could make such a grand commitment to the military. I wanted to learn more about politics, philosophy, psychology, sociology, theology, communications, education, public policy and international world affairs, which included an interest in business and diplomatic world affairs as well. I wanted to learn it all, as much as I could, with as much time as I was given. In fact, in my graduating class of 1991, I held the most credits taken by a student, because of the extra courses I took during the summers, before and after school, and at college. I was college bound.
When I arrived in college, little did I know that my desire for truth and understanding would lead me to a deeper faith and transformation. My studies in Human existential philosophy and the written word of God presented me with great challenges and ignited a passion for knowledge, I had only imagined could ever be known. I, like Yentle, in the movie starring Barbara Streisand, felt an insatiable hunger and thirst for freedom and wisdom.
I visited Catalina Island over 12 times throughout the course of my four years of undergraduate studies. We studied eight hours a day: Genesis, Mark, John, Luke and many of Paul's letters inductively (a method devised and used at Stanford University). Every word lifted itself from the pages, as I felt God speak to me directly, I began to understand God's love and majesty, His amazing creativity and awesome omnipotence in our lives. God is a Super Genius, a Compassionate Creator! He inspires mankind and through the written word... breathes "life" (Spirit, which comes from the Hebrew word Ruach) into the hearts and minds of His followers.
It was until I experienced the transforming power of His word, that I realized I had found the truth. I discovered the pearl of great price, and I've never been the same since. It's a blessing today that the Lord has brought me back to a place where I can share my heart and testimony in this way, through the ART of language and the expressive ARTS, how amazing is He! :) God works in and through His people and our lives are written in the book of life, so that is how we know that we know, that we really know there is a Creator God of this vast universe.
I attended a Spiritual retreat in my first year at Occidental College, and I was Touched by Jesus. This emotional experience at the retreat literally changed my life and everything about my purpose in life; my perspective on God, and my desire for intimacy with Him, in His presence. My relationship with Jesus, soon became my greatest gift and most compelling passion. God's healing touch began to ease the pain and terror I experienced as a young girl. Like the bleeding woman, I too lived with a deeper sadness and shame and was carrying it with me everywhere I went.
Though I had been attacked several times by older men as a young girl, and having felt the painful rejection of my youth like boils burning on my skin, I still began to feel God's comfort and peace descend upon me, as I grew in the knowledge of Him. For many months following, I experienced the beauty of prayer, the psalms and the encouragement of Job's testimony in the Book of Job as a healing source. I learned that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony (Rev. 12:11), a joy that cannot be explained, nor contained.
I found myself, living in a new reality, a reality that is filled with possibilities and hope, healing, love and acceptance, unlike I'd ever known. Though my amazing mother, had demonstrated great love towards me growing up, before her passing. God was beginning to show me the immeasurably glory of His unconditional love for me, and my life, with his precious gift of LIFE. I was overjoyed by the reality that more of His love was to come. I learned that everything that was happening in my life, and in the lives of my loved ones, was meant for a purpose greater than my own.
Oh, to know the love of God... is to know true happiness, true fulfillment and purpose.
I came to know the Lord in a personal way during my first year of college... spending countless hours in the Word with God seemed effortless, like a flash of light, in an instant, time suspended me, carrying me in from one moment of time to the next. I felt held and cared for, transported to a hope and a believe that made loving sense. Even now, it seems as though I was just there at the feet of Jesus. I could recognize the beauty and power of God's divine inspiration to mankind... and the amazing gift of His Son Jesus Christ, as the most incredible loving sacrifice ever made.
I began to write music, lead worship, teach Sunday school, and travel on missions' trips to help the lost and dying children in the world. I was especially touched by the children I met and worked with in the City of Medellin, Colombia.
When I graduated from College, I was unsure as to whether I should continue my studies in psychology, because the secular and more liberal interpretations of health were limited and hopeless in my opinion. The labels and the assumptions made about human nature and psychological processes described human nature in a negative and derogatory manner, or so it appeared, (the glass was have empty and building on strengths and seeing the world as half full was unheard of in my experience) and so I felt very uncomfortable with this, and I sought to understand God's perspective on the matter of human nature and the definitions of what it means to be human. Being human is defined by more than what meets the eye or intellect, it cannot even be expressed fully by our anatomical brain, or senses. It is a matter of the whole person, a constellation of complex workings, philosophers find it difficult to, much less comprehend.
I could not be a part of a system that labeled human behavior as a dysfunctional phenomena, I needed to be enlightened by the reality that every person is divinely destined and created for a unique purpose. I also found myself more intrigued by science and became more curious about human functioning and our physiological complexities. So, I put my career aside, and pursued missionary work and the practice of Christian counseling. I wanted to pursue a more Wholistic approach to psychology, a sociological interpretation that regarded one's faith and spiritual definitions as both important and critical, these factors, in explaining health and human functioning seemed more viable to me at the time... truer of the descriptive nature of life. So I applied to the School of World Missions at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, CA, where 99 nations are represented and hundreds of Clergies, Pastors and Ministers attend to educate themselves on Missional, theological and even psychological truths in the three schools of ministry offered at the Seminary.
When I entered into Seminary in 1996, I did not realize that I would experience a complete paradigm shift again, that my studies and my participation in the community were going to be another part of my educational and psychological transformation as well, that I would be converted in a way. I learned quickly that there was so much more to learn... that God had many more names, many more beautiful and creative ways of expressing His creative nature, of being worshiped by all of His people, and that the diversity and valuable insights I discovered were priceless. His image imprinted upon us, our every cell, the way our minds work and look like a garden of thoughts, a universe filled with stars dancing and moving to and fro.
To understand and seek God's wisdom was both an honor and a privilege but also, an incredible rush and downpouring of food for thought. I was in the midst of some of the most amazing and compassionate individuals I had ever met, they were living life in a community as believers and followers of Christ, seeking, searching for Him in Spirit and in Truth. I found myself transferring from the School of World Mission after taking classes like Multicultural Care and Counseling to Christian's who Counsel in the School of Theology. After receiving my first Masters Degree in Theology, I continued my studies and entered into The School of Psychology, where the AAMFT accredited program demonstrated distinction and excellence in the understanding of human relations. There I received my second Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy.
Deemed "The Face of Fuller" during the course of the five years of my attendance at Fuller Theological Seminary by our Former President, Dr. Richard Mouw, I could not help worshiping God for allowing me to experience an abundance of joy and revelation. I was asked to lead Worship at weekly chapels and to dance for the Seminary's banquets and large events: the Day of Prayer, Senior Banquets, Faculty Christmas Dinner Celebrations... it was the peak of my creativity and health, passion manifested in my activity and desire to express my love for the Lord, through the ARTs. I felt whole, the freedom to worship God elevated me to a level of sensitivity and caring meant for my destiny, I was truly in His service and so happy to learn from Him through others.
Suddenly however, without any indication, I was plummeted into tragedy and loss... I received a phone call from my 10-year-old sister at the time, one very cold morning on November 7, 1998... letting me know that my mother was just rushed to the Hospital. She had experienced a brain aneurysm. When I arrived at the Hospital that morning, she was deemed brain dead, technically dead. Following an overwhelming sense of despair, disbelief and painful distress in my being, my sisters, my father and I witnessed her body slowly decay in the following hours as we were faced with difficult choices, and a terrible decision about her continuing on life support machines, when her wishes were very clear and repeated to us many times, that no, she did not want to ever be on life support machines. We were thus forced to let her go. We held three devotional services, each so very painful and yet inspiring and moving for those around. She did not want to be on any machines, these were her wishes, we had to let go and let God be God. I agonized, fell ill, and sadness filled my heart and senses with no relief. The painful loss of my mother brought me to my knees in desperation and pain, my defenses instantly broke down and I could barely stand on my own two feet, much less speak. I was devastated. I fell to the floor, it felt like the floor had disappeared from underneath me, when I was pulled away from her bedside, I held fiercely to the hospital bed rails, and I wanted to scream in agony. I cried so loud, it burst forth as if it were echoing on every mountaintop, the very second, I felt her go away. We were best friends. We were so very close. For the first time in my life, I felt true anger and rage, my emotions were volatile, and I was undone. My faith was tested and in the years that followed, I was angry and felt rebellious.
I felt like I had to make myself sit at the feet of Jesus, I was forced to perform, in the face of fear, having to learn to live and see things as a woman alone. Without my beloved mother, life felt cruel. As a future wife and mother later in life, it seemed unfair, this undesirable chain of events, rendered me helpless and defeated, not having the mother who bore me by my side, as I sought to become a wife and mother and eventually did. She was my best friend. She was so beautiful and loving, I could not conceive life without her. God's manifestation of love to me for so many years was no longer as tangible to me as before. Somehow, my joy was lost, my soul became barren, and I felt the desert and sorrow of an open wound pulsating. Yet, I continued on, and was comforted by God. I knew that my mother lived on in me and that was the only consolation I could receive.
My courses in Marriage and Family Counseling at Fuller began shortly after, and I remember just how difficult it was for me to return to school. I wept, most often in secret or so I thought, until friends shared that they could not remember a class or a time, when they did not see me shed a tear, as tears inevitable rolled down my cheeks. The thoughts and memories of my mother where always present, especially because all we were listening to in our lectures and discussions had to do with family and marriage, children and the like. Memories and thoughts of my mother came flashing in and I felt that she was there with me. I ached to see her as we talked about attachment theory, family systems Dyad's- the mother daughter relationships and many conversations that required personal reflection. It was so hard to feel.
Clients that eventually shared their losses with me, such as a young girl who lost her mother at a very young age to an ex-boyfriend who shot her at her place of work, were the only stories I could relate to. I was able to feel the pain of my clients and yet through excellent supervision, counseling and support, with God's divine help and understanding... I was also able to help them, to counsel them, and experience along with many of them, their pain, healing and journey towards wholeness.
In God's redemptive power, this has brought me closer to the One who has touched my life and comforted me in so many ways since my youth and continues to do so. This is why I am sharing this with you now, and in this way... because NOTHING can separate us from His love, I am convinced that it is true, nothing can separate us from God.
38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life,
nor angels nor principalities nor powers,
nor things present nor things to come,
39 nor height nor depth,
nor any other created thing,
shall be able to separate us from
the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39New King James Version (NKJV)
In Remembrance of God's Gifts was a dedication service I put together, scripted and coordinated as the ARTS Concerns Chair at Fuller Seminary in November of 1999 to celebrate my Mother's life. I was convinced that God had her in His Mansion and that I needed to offer her up to Him in this manner. So, I finally openly shared my grief, and joy with others again, and invited faculty and students to share their own hearts, gratitude, and revelations in a ministerial way. It seemed a perfect time to celebrate the Saints, giving God glory for His presence in our lives, and in the lives of our loved ones... during the Week of the Saints in November. I was honored to have this opportunity to share this service at Fuller, because it was truly a memorable occasion, and a defining moment for me and a lot of us, as a community. It is now a permanent fixture in the fabric of community life, and the dedication service, is done annually at Fuller Seminary to commemorate, and celebrate the lives of our loved ones in the community. It continues today and is well attended.
And so, I desire to share and celebrate the greatest blessing God has given me since then, and that has been, giving birth to my beautiful daughter, whom I named after my mother, Evelia. Evelia Judith Smith was born in 2007. In honor of my mother, she is also now so much a part of the ministry and focus of my life. I find that in having been a part of her creation and arrival into our world, I have partaken in God's magnificent works, and have been loved by Him in the most tangible and radical of ways. What a gift to my soul and to my heart to know her and care for her. We love one another as He has loved us, and His calling is to do this with others, but especially with our children. My desire is to help mothers and their children, their families, seek the presence of God and experience it in their daily lives.
It is in essence the passion and ultimate goal of my ministry in the ARTS.
I am so blessed to share my story with you. I have seen God's miracles and divine intervention and presence in my life, heal my soul, and lift me up, high above my circumstances. It brings confidence and joy back into every fiber of my being when I share about His amazing love and goodness towards me and my daughter. In times when there is an increasing number of single mom's, I am privileged to stand in the gap and to speak to women and mothers about health and wellness, God's extraordinary love, and their amazing ability to overcome life's challenges with joy and hope. Jesus's presence in my life, my Yeshua Ameshia, has transformed me, and given me hope for the goodness of His kingdom of love. He was anointed and came to set the captives free and to heal the brokenhearted.
61 “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
Isaiah 61:1New King James Version (NKJV)
May His will be done, here on earth as it is in Heaven, in my life and in yours, as it was from the beginning and will be until the end, that you might experience His love and healing in your life. Be blessed, be touched by the power of His love, and by His mercies that are new every morning, His gracious love fill you, today and forevermore. Amen.
I began to write music, lead worship, teach Sunday school, and travel on missions' trips to help the lost and dying children in the world. I was especially touched by the children I met and worked with in the City of Medellin, Colombia.
When I graduated from College, I was unsure as to whether I should continue my studies in psychology, because the secular and more liberal interpretations of health were limited and hopeless in my opinion. The labels and the assumptions made about human nature and psychological processes described human nature in a negative and derogatory manner, or so it appeared, (the glass was have empty and building on strengths and seeing the world as half full was unheard of in my experience) and so I felt very uncomfortable with this, and I sought to understand God's perspective on the matter of human nature and the definitions of what it means to be human. Being human is defined by more than what meets the eye or intellect, it cannot even be expressed fully by our anatomical brain, or senses. It is a matter of the whole person, a constellation of complex workings, philosophers find it difficult to, much less comprehend.
I could not be a part of a system that labeled human behavior as a dysfunctional phenomena, I needed to be enlightened by the reality that every person is divinely destined and created for a unique purpose. I also found myself more intrigued by science and became more curious about human functioning and our physiological complexities. So, I put my career aside, and pursued missionary work and the practice of Christian counseling. I wanted to pursue a more Wholistic approach to psychology, a sociological interpretation that regarded one's faith and spiritual definitions as both important and critical, these factors, in explaining health and human functioning seemed more viable to me at the time... truer of the descriptive nature of life. So I applied to the School of World Missions at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, CA, where 99 nations are represented and hundreds of Clergies, Pastors and Ministers attend to educate themselves on Missional, theological and even psychological truths in the three schools of ministry offered at the Seminary.
When I entered into Seminary in 1996, I did not realize that I would experience a complete paradigm shift again, that my studies and my participation in the community were going to be another part of my educational and psychological transformation as well, that I would be converted in a way. I learned quickly that there was so much more to learn... that God had many more names, many more beautiful and creative ways of expressing His creative nature, of being worshiped by all of His people, and that the diversity and valuable insights I discovered were priceless. His image imprinted upon us, our every cell, the way our minds work and look like a garden of thoughts, a universe filled with stars dancing and moving to and fro.
To understand and seek God's wisdom was both an honor and a privilege but also, an incredible rush and downpouring of food for thought. I was in the midst of some of the most amazing and compassionate individuals I had ever met, they were living life in a community as believers and followers of Christ, seeking, searching for Him in Spirit and in Truth. I found myself transferring from the School of World Mission after taking classes like Multicultural Care and Counseling to Christian's who Counsel in the School of Theology. After receiving my first Masters Degree in Theology, I continued my studies and entered into The School of Psychology, where the AAMFT accredited program demonstrated distinction and excellence in the understanding of human relations. There I received my second Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy.
Deemed "The Face of Fuller" during the course of the five years of my attendance at Fuller Theological Seminary by our Former President, Dr. Richard Mouw, I could not help worshiping God for allowing me to experience an abundance of joy and revelation. I was asked to lead Worship at weekly chapels and to dance for the Seminary's banquets and large events: the Day of Prayer, Senior Banquets, Faculty Christmas Dinner Celebrations... it was the peak of my creativity and health, passion manifested in my activity and desire to express my love for the Lord, through the ARTs. I felt whole, the freedom to worship God elevated me to a level of sensitivity and caring meant for my destiny, I was truly in His service and so happy to learn from Him through others.
Suddenly however, without any indication, I was plummeted into tragedy and loss... I received a phone call from my 10-year-old sister at the time, one very cold morning on November 7, 1998... letting me know that my mother was just rushed to the Hospital. She had experienced a brain aneurysm. When I arrived at the Hospital that morning, she was deemed brain dead, technically dead. Following an overwhelming sense of despair, disbelief and painful distress in my being, my sisters, my father and I witnessed her body slowly decay in the following hours as we were faced with difficult choices, and a terrible decision about her continuing on life support machines, when her wishes were very clear and repeated to us many times, that no, she did not want to ever be on life support machines. We were thus forced to let her go. We held three devotional services, each so very painful and yet inspiring and moving for those around. She did not want to be on any machines, these were her wishes, we had to let go and let God be God. I agonized, fell ill, and sadness filled my heart and senses with no relief. The painful loss of my mother brought me to my knees in desperation and pain, my defenses instantly broke down and I could barely stand on my own two feet, much less speak. I was devastated. I fell to the floor, it felt like the floor had disappeared from underneath me, when I was pulled away from her bedside, I held fiercely to the hospital bed rails, and I wanted to scream in agony. I cried so loud, it burst forth as if it were echoing on every mountaintop, the very second, I felt her go away. We were best friends. We were so very close. For the first time in my life, I felt true anger and rage, my emotions were volatile, and I was undone. My faith was tested and in the years that followed, I was angry and felt rebellious.
I felt like I had to make myself sit at the feet of Jesus, I was forced to perform, in the face of fear, having to learn to live and see things as a woman alone. Without my beloved mother, life felt cruel. As a future wife and mother later in life, it seemed unfair, this undesirable chain of events, rendered me helpless and defeated, not having the mother who bore me by my side, as I sought to become a wife and mother and eventually did. She was my best friend. She was so beautiful and loving, I could not conceive life without her. God's manifestation of love to me for so many years was no longer as tangible to me as before. Somehow, my joy was lost, my soul became barren, and I felt the desert and sorrow of an open wound pulsating. Yet, I continued on, and was comforted by God. I knew that my mother lived on in me and that was the only consolation I could receive.
My courses in Marriage and Family Counseling at Fuller began shortly after, and I remember just how difficult it was for me to return to school. I wept, most often in secret or so I thought, until friends shared that they could not remember a class or a time, when they did not see me shed a tear, as tears inevitable rolled down my cheeks. The thoughts and memories of my mother where always present, especially because all we were listening to in our lectures and discussions had to do with family and marriage, children and the like. Memories and thoughts of my mother came flashing in and I felt that she was there with me. I ached to see her as we talked about attachment theory, family systems Dyad's- the mother daughter relationships and many conversations that required personal reflection. It was so hard to feel.
Clients that eventually shared their losses with me, such as a young girl who lost her mother at a very young age to an ex-boyfriend who shot her at her place of work, were the only stories I could relate to. I was able to feel the pain of my clients and yet through excellent supervision, counseling and support, with God's divine help and understanding... I was also able to help them, to counsel them, and experience along with many of them, their pain, healing and journey towards wholeness.
In God's redemptive power, this has brought me closer to the One who has touched my life and comforted me in so many ways since my youth and continues to do so. This is why I am sharing this with you now, and in this way... because NOTHING can separate us from His love, I am convinced that it is true, nothing can separate us from God.
38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life,
nor angels nor principalities nor powers,
nor things present nor things to come,
39 nor height nor depth,
nor any other created thing,
shall be able to separate us from
the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39New King James Version (NKJV)
In Remembrance of God's Gifts was a dedication service I put together, scripted and coordinated as the ARTS Concerns Chair at Fuller Seminary in November of 1999 to celebrate my Mother's life. I was convinced that God had her in His Mansion and that I needed to offer her up to Him in this manner. So, I finally openly shared my grief, and joy with others again, and invited faculty and students to share their own hearts, gratitude, and revelations in a ministerial way. It seemed a perfect time to celebrate the Saints, giving God glory for His presence in our lives, and in the lives of our loved ones... during the Week of the Saints in November. I was honored to have this opportunity to share this service at Fuller, because it was truly a memorable occasion, and a defining moment for me and a lot of us, as a community. It is now a permanent fixture in the fabric of community life, and the dedication service, is done annually at Fuller Seminary to commemorate, and celebrate the lives of our loved ones in the community. It continues today and is well attended.
And so, I desire to share and celebrate the greatest blessing God has given me since then, and that has been, giving birth to my beautiful daughter, whom I named after my mother, Evelia. Evelia Judith Smith was born in 2007. In honor of my mother, she is also now so much a part of the ministry and focus of my life. I find that in having been a part of her creation and arrival into our world, I have partaken in God's magnificent works, and have been loved by Him in the most tangible and radical of ways. What a gift to my soul and to my heart to know her and care for her. We love one another as He has loved us, and His calling is to do this with others, but especially with our children. My desire is to help mothers and their children, their families, seek the presence of God and experience it in their daily lives.
It is in essence the passion and ultimate goal of my ministry in the ARTS.
I am so blessed to share my story with you. I have seen God's miracles and divine intervention and presence in my life, heal my soul, and lift me up, high above my circumstances. It brings confidence and joy back into every fiber of my being when I share about His amazing love and goodness towards me and my daughter. In times when there is an increasing number of single mom's, I am privileged to stand in the gap and to speak to women and mothers about health and wellness, God's extraordinary love, and their amazing ability to overcome life's challenges with joy and hope. Jesus's presence in my life, my Yeshua Ameshia, has transformed me, and given me hope for the goodness of His kingdom of love. He was anointed and came to set the captives free and to heal the brokenhearted.
61 “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
Isaiah 61:1New King James Version (NKJV)
May His will be done, here on earth as it is in Heaven, in my life and in yours, as it was from the beginning and will be until the end, that you might experience His love and healing in your life. Be blessed, be touched by the power of His love, and by His mercies that are new every morning, His gracious love fill you, today and forevermore. Amen.
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Copyright © 2010, Ana Rebecca Toothman Smith. All rights reserved.
All trademarks, servicemarks or registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.
Copyright © 2010, Ana Rebecca Toothman Smith. All rights reserved.